I don’t want to use brainstorming, I don’t want to start my writing with a draft, and I don’t want to think before writing. I just want to unleash the pain and anger inside my heart without using any techniques. I just want to let out that feeling that I can’t seem to define what it is. Is it rage? Is it revenge? Is it patriotism? Is it a normal feeling of humanism? Is it just my poor heart that couldn’t handle what I saw? The past two days have been very much different than all the years I have had. And I have spent 18 years and a half in this life. I heard all kinds of bombs, I have seen all kinds of corps- young\old\women\men- I have been through dark days with no day light the next day, I have lived live horror movies and I have seen real bogies inside my closet and under my bed. But yesterday- oh, yesterday- I saw a 6 minute movie on youtube. It was about Palestine and what is so called israel. It showed me my own country’s cities, my own country’s places and my own country’s sky. I saw people, but they were not my people. I shut the whole computer down; I couldn’t keep watching. I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to scream. Why? For God’s sake WHY? Why took our land? Why took our houses? Why are people silent about it? Why can’t we just have it back? Why can’t we have our fairy tale? And yes my fairy tale is not prince charming or a castle, my fairy tale is Palestine. Go and find other places to be at; go and find somewhere else. Why can’t you notice that this land already has an owner! Today, was the other thing that made me just want to go and fall in a coma. Today, I saw the prisoners’ fathers and mothers. I wanted to do something for them! I wanted to give them their kids back! I wanted to do something! I felt paralyzed! Why couldn’t I just do anything? Why the only thing I can do is to stand still, go home and write. Why do they imprison our men and soldiers and we can’t imprison theirs’? Why they can come, knock our doors or break in with their guns, take our fathers right before our eyes, kick our mothers and spit on and we can’t do the same to them? Why are they doing this? Why can’t they understand that you can’t get rid of a million and a half just because you need a place to stay in? What kind of blood runs in them? What differs them from barbarians? Savages? We are not anti-Semite; we are anti-israelis. We are against those who murder and imprison our people everyday. We are against those animals who don’t understand what life means. We are against all the peoples who support them whether those people are Arabs or any other nation. If today we can’t get even with them, if today I can’t own a gun and shoot them, if today I am not heard and if today I am to die, then at least I am sure that one day- one not that very far day- they will not suffer, they will not be murdered, they will not be tortured but they will only be kicked out from our country by our men. We will not treat them the way they treated us, but we will avenge them in our own way. We will have our country back and let Allah deal with them the way He thinks is right. Peace be upon my nation. Peace be upon you.


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